Fear

Sunset Contemplations

As I sat in silence and watched the golden rays of the setting sun create long shadows across my yard, and listened to the cicadas sing their rhythmic song from high in the trees that surround my home, I quietly pondered my journey- where I’ve been, where I am, and where I’m going next. And in my rambling thought process, I couldn’t help but reflect on what was next.

Emotions are strange- you can’t see them, you can’t touch them… you can’t cut them out and set them on a table, so just what the hell are they? Every living being has them. In the animal kingdom, we call them instincts, probably because if we called them emotions, then we might have to face the possibility that animals could be sentient… and lets be honest, nobody wants to think that the deer they are hunting or the chicken that they had for dinner last night might be an intelligent creature with a developed mind. Don’t get me wrong- I’m not suggesting that they are- just the opposite for some creatures, actually. Some critters are here for us to eat, and that’s just part of being in the higher levels of the food chain. We don’t think about a cow’s emotions, any more than a tiger thinks about ours. But I’m not talking about the food chain- I’m talking about something else… the power of the emotions that we have, and how they can, and often do, dictate our lives. 

While I could literally write for hours about all of our emotions and how each one has the power to motivate and alter our path… there is only one that I’m interested in writing about today…

Fear

Specifically, I’ve been thinking about fear a lot lately. Fear is a powerful motivator- fear is our body’s way of trying to protect us from danger, or perceived danger. We all know what dangers we face in our individual lives that gives us reasons to be afraid, but what about the perceived dangers? Real dangers are tangible… but what about the perceived dangers? I’m not talking about what we think is lurking in the dark when the lights go out, but rather, what the future holds for us. When a little kid worries about a monster under their bed, we can easily turn on the light and show them it’s safe… but when an adult contemplates their future, it’s a bit more difficult. There is a myriad of reasons why, but it comes down to one thing- there is no light to shine on the future. The future is uncertain, and there is no guarantee that any of us will even survive past this very moment, much less be safe, happy, successful or content three weeks, three months or three years from now. You might be wondering what I’m getting at with all of this- well, it’s pretty simple- I’m a bit nervous about what my future holds.

Evolution

Taking the next step of your life can be difficult, especially when you’ve gotten yourself into a routine. You see, complacency is a silent killer. Being in a routine is not a bad thing- far from it, but when we get to the point in our lives, when our routines begin to interfere with our potential for future success, we must take a step back and reevaluate. At what point do we break out of our routines, free ourselves from the status quo, and begin again with new routines? How do we know when the time is right? 

Evolution is tricky. One could easily argue that we, as a society, have devolved as our technology has evolved. As our tech has gotten smarter, we as a society have, inversely, gotten dumber because we have become more reliant on it. The younger generations are unfamiliar with basic references such as dictionaries and encyclopedias, relying solely on the quick results of internet search engines. As vehicle tech has progressed- our abilities to operate a motor vehicle has regressed. Fewer people can drive a car with a manual transmission now, way too many rely on sensors to say if there is a car next to them before changing lanes, and many can’t even park without using an “auto park” function. We rely so much on the tech that was designed to make our lives easier, that we have allowed it to dumb us down. If our tech suddenly went away, what would we do? Simple- we would be forced to evolve, again. 

Many creatures shed their skins or shells, in order to grow. Crabs and lobsters come to mind. In order to grow, they must molt- they must shed their shells. Their shells keep them safe, but they also restrict their growth, so they have to shed them, and form new, bigger shells, in order to continue growing. So, how we know when it’s time for us to shed our proverbial shells? How do we know when it’s time for us to grow? I suppose it’s when we realize that we are no longer growing.

Many of us chose career paths that, if we are strong enough to make it full term, have a pension that is available at a certain date. That “end date” could be anything from 20-35 years depending on the employer, and usually promises some sort of benefits after the prescribed number of years of employment have been met. Obviously, getting to the end is the goal, but what then? What comes after? Does one choose to stay, potentially losing benefits of retirement, or does one face the fears and uncertainty of retirement? On one hand- there is security in stagnation- you could stay, and be secure in knowing that, for better or worse, nothing changes. On the other hand, however, you could face the fear of uncertainty, take the leap of faith,  risk failing and potentially grow into a newer, better version of yourself. 

Either way- each of us will inevitably reach a point in our lives when we must make a choice- stay stagnant and safe, or shed our protective “shells”, be vulnerable, then potentially grow into something bigger, better, stronger and possibly- even more amazing. No one can choose for us. We have to make this decision on our own. 

The process

For my employer, the process of retirement takes a few months, so I had another, more immediate, choice to make- start it and see what happens in a few months, or put it all off until later. Well, I decided to take a small leap of faith and started the process. Nothing is final until it’s final, so I can always give in to the fear of facing the unknown and stay where I am, at least for a few more years, but by starting the process, at least I’ll have everything ready to go for when I do decide to jump into the unknown and face my new future. As I write this today- I feel confident in my decision to start anew at the end of this year, but the reality is, I still have several things left to do in my current role. Not to mention- I still don’t which way I want to go after I leave this life behind me either, and, choosing the right path is difficult, but it’s even tougher if you don’t know which direction you want to go. 

So as I finish writing this post, I’m no closer to clarity than I was when I started it, but maybe, hopefully, there is someone out there reading this, that is. For you, I wish you well… in whatever choice you made. If you chose to remain secure, then I wish you continued success in that security; and if you chose to risk the uncertainty and take a chance on yourself, then I applaud you on your bravery, and wish you success and growth.

I suppose that, for me anyway, I will just have to wait until I get a little closer to the fork in the road, before I decide which path to take.

Until next time, MotoReaders…

Ride safe and make good choices.