Thinning The Herd
My recent retirement from my payin' gig has initiated, yet another, move toward my overall well-being. Yes, my loyal MotoReaders, as you may have guessed by the title and the photo, I have decided to sell my beloved Janus Halcyon. It has been a great, really great, bike and it still embodies the sheer excitement and fun of riding a motorcycle for the very first time. But... as I've mentioned before, I have a couple of Harley-Davidson motorcycles, both of which are paid for, and the Janus, unfortunately is not... so with my recent retirement and going on a "fixed income" (as I wait for my next payin' job to come along), some difficult decisions had to be made.
Actually, the decision wasn't that hard. In the 3 years that I've owned the Janus, I haven't even put 1,300 miles on it, meanwhile, I've put that many miles on my Road King in a single trip, over just a few days. The Janus is awesome and, I fully support the company and what they are doing up in Goshen, IN USA. But, the reality is, the worst thing you can do with a machine is to let it sit, and I've been paying on a loan for a motorcycle that I've barely just gotten broken in. Before I retired, my paychecks were pretty decent and, with a few hours of overtime each week, paying the note didn't even cross my mind. As I navigate my new income limitations, however, I feel like I need to make the most of my "mailbox money." So, I've decided to let her go.
I'm also making plans to transfer ownership of my little Honda (aka, Piglet if you remember this post) to my son. I'm making moves to clear out some space in the MotoWriter garage, because, quite honestly... it's time. Not to mention the fact that people keep bringing their motorcycles to me to fix and I'm running out of room (but that's a story for another day).
Catharsis
"Catharsis" is defined as "the process of releasing, and thereby providing relief from, strong or repressed emotions."
As I've been processing this "new" me over the past few weeks, I've realized that I've needed a catharsis of sorts. Who we are, who we've become and who we want to be, is all relative to the baggage that we drag along with us. Baggage in the physical form, such as, motorcycles that we don't ride, or phone contacts that we don't contact, and even people that used to be, or we thought were, our friends.
We tend to hold on to these things, because we want to believe that they will, one day, be useful to us in some way. When I bought the Halcyon, I thought... "man, this bike will be perfect for when I'm too old to hold up a big bike." That day, if it ever comes, is years, or even decades, away. What was I thinking? Easy. I wanted it and I wanted to justify (to myself) why I needed it. The last time I checked, I'm a grown man who makes his own money... I don't need to justify anything.
With smart phones, it's easy to collect names and numbers... and it's easier to hold on to them for years and it's even easier to justify why- "this person might call me, and I want to know who it is if they call" or, "I might need to get in touch with this person." After I retired, I decided to go through the contacts on my phone. Good grief. That was a task. MotoReaders, when I tell you that I spent the next hour (or longer) deleting "contacts" out of my phone, I'm not exaggerating. I had contacts for people that were no longer alive, I had contacts for people that I met in a class ten years ago and haven't spoken to since, and I had several contacts for people that I couldn't even remember who they were. Simply going through and deleting those out of my phone felt so good. It was the same feeling as I got, when I was cleaning out my garage. Just going through the work benches, throwing stuff in the garbage and making room to work... that's what clearing those contacts felt like- making room to work and process more important tasks.
The same applies to many relationships that we hold on to in our lives. Life is, unfortunately, a lot like a certain social media platform (that I will not name) which has, literally, changed our world and how we live in it. We tend to collect "friends". As more and more people enter our lives and connect themselves to us, we eventually lose true connections with the majority of them. When I was growing up, there was no social media, there was no internet and there were no cell phones. We had long telephone cords that stretched from one room to another, bicycles, fishing poles, newspapers and sitcoms. Our "friends" were actually our friends. Most of us had a group of three or four people, at the most, that we referred to as "friends"- everyone else was just someone we "knew." Being a "friend" was a distinction that we reserved for people that were truly special to us in our lives. People that knew us and would, or did, crawl through hell with, or for, us. Being called a "friend" meant something and being called a "best friend" meant everything. Now, the word "friend" has been reduced to a meaningless list of people on a computer screen. The worst part about it, is that we often get the two mixed up. People that we consider friends in real life, turn out to be nothing more than a "friend" in the social media sense... just someone that is connected to you by their proximity to your life. What's worse than that, is that many times we don't see it until it's too late.
Cull the pack
The best way to find true happiness in life, especially for those of us that have a lot of years of "collecting" under our belts, is to cull the pack. Remove those relationships that no longer bring joy, peace, happiness or substance into your life. You know the ones- the people that only call you when they need or want something from you. The people that always say, "man I owe you one" but then never answer when you need a favor. The people who try to humilate you, then get mad when you respond appropriately. The people that you always make, or made, time for but who never seem to be able to make time for you. The people that never prioritize your "friendship" until it benefits them in some way.
Look, I'll admit that I'm a bit of an over-thinker and anyone that knows me will confirm this. When seconds matter, I'll go with my gut and make an immediate decision right then and there, but when given the opportunity to reflect, assess and process any and all data... I'll often go deep, really deep. This trait has been cultivated for decades and, as a result, it has made me very introspective. This has given me a lot of insights on important topics, that I get to share with those of you who stop by my little corner of the interweb. I'm also a trusting, but suspicious, person. If someone is trying to be my friend, I'll keep them at a safe distance until I feel like they've earned a place at the "friend's table." This may sound callous, but it's a survival instinct. Many people over the years have made it to the "inner sanctum" but few, very few, have stayed there. Those that lost access to my friendship, did so by their own actions.
Where I'm to blame, is that I'm too good of a friend, right from the start. I don't just offer to help, I actually do it. I give my time, energy, knowledge and effort to help people that I think are friends, to succeed and/or be successful. More times than not, I've found that my friendship and everything that comes with it, while eagerly taken, is often unappreciated and unreciprocated. The other problem is, I often don't hold these "friends" accountable on their first affront. It's in my nature to forgive, but it's also in my nature not to forget, so as my dad used to say, "shit on me once, shame on you; shit on me twice, shame on me."
The Benefits
The benefits of cleaning up your life, both physically and emotionally, are magnificently cathartic. Seeing a clean, clear work bench, office or other work space is inspiring. It makes you feel good about getting back to the task at hand, without clutter and junk being in the way. The same goes for cleaning out junk relationships from your life. The mental health benefits alone are worth it. Regaining the time you spent on people who don't deserve your time, who don't deserve you, allows you to focus on yourself, and on those people in your life that do deserve your friendship- those that reciprocate it and embrace it, and offer theirs in return. The people that never ask anything of you, other than your friendship, and who give you theirs without any conditions except that you don't betray them.
Clearing out bad relationships with shitty people gives you mental clarity. It gives you clarity of your own worth and value, not only as a friend, a husband, a wife, a parent... but as a person.
Final thoughts
As I type this today, I know that there may be some people that will read this and wonder if I wrote it about them. To them, I'll say this- if you think it might be about you, then... you should probably reflect on how you have treated me, or how you are treating me. If you're reading this and you are wondering if you should thin your own herd, then you already have your answer.
From time to time, you have to clean and clear superfluous things from your life, in order to better focus on the things that are most important. Cleaning up your work space, garage, finances, house, car... will give you a fresh outlook and will even inspire you to do more. Cleaning up your life- forgiving those people that have wronged you, apologizing to those who you've wronged, and getting back to having real, true, friendships again... will inspire you to be more.
So go, my loyal MotoReaders... go through the contacts on your phones, go through your garages, your houses, your desks, and most importantly, your relationships, and ask yourselves- does this bring me joy, or give me fulfillment? If so, keep it... but if it doesn't... then let it go and move on with your life, so that you can live your best life, with the best people in it.
Always remember...
