Remember your "WHY"

 Why 

Often, in my line of work, I can answer most questions... but the one that escapes me the most is the "why". The rest are relatively easy- who, what, when, where and how are pretty easy to identify, but it's the "why" that is the toughest to figure out because the "why" speaks to a person's motivations, their reasons, their causes, their beliefs, their education or intelligence level and, sometimes, there simply is no reason at all for why someone does something... it's just... random. Maybe it's a sudden act or decision based on impulse, a situational opportunity or maybe, it's simply inexplicable... motivated by nothing more than a full moon, a cool breeze and a foggy brain. If you haven't figured it out yet- I'm in middle management and I'm constantly having to appease the people above me, protect the people under me and keep everyone motivated to keep doing their jobs to the most efficient level possible. 

The drudgery

Prior to my current assignment in the "company", I was in a human resources type of position where I primarily dealt with staffing and complaints. There was a LOT of paperwork associated with that job and there were deadlines, commitments and frustrations that kept me busy, working late pretty regularly. Prior to that position, I was a low-level supervisor for over a decade and let me tell you... that job was great, really great, but eventually, the gripes and complaints from my line workers eventually brought me down. I began feeling like the "ivory tower" folks (you know- those guys and gals who are in nice, comfy, climate controlled offices safe inside the building, far away from the dangers and aggravations of the job) had forgotten their "whys" and were only there to earn a fat paycheck on the backs of their subordinates. It's easy to get caught up in that negativity, especially when you live with it daily. 

In getting transferred to the HR job though, suddenly, I became one of those "ivory tower" folks. I felt like a square peg in a round hole for almost four years- I never did feel like I fit in with them. Maybe it was them- maybe I wasn't one of them- or maybe it was me. Maybe I didn't want to fit in because I felt like I was somehow betraying those that I was in the trenches with for so long, by being in that big office with the window that looked out over those workers that I used to lead. In the HR job, I was "technically" over everyone of the line workers in the company, but I didn't have any direct contact with them on most days. I would pass them in the halls and in the parking lot and I would see that fading gleam of hope for better days in their eyes. They wanted help. They wanted relief. They wanted leadership and guidance. 

The change

It was in my comfortable, climate controlled office within the "ivory tower" that I remembered my "why." I remembered why I was doing what I was doing. I remembered my motivations and I remembered who I was there to help. I also realized, by being behind the curtain and seeing the "great and powerful OZ", so to speak, that the vast majority of guys and gals in the "ivory tower" were working diligently to improve the conditions of the workplace, but their work efforts simply couldn't be seen due to the nature of what it was. Don't get me wrong, there were (and still are) some that are only there to earn a fat paycheck on the efforts of the laborers, but that can't be helped, no matter what company, business or organization that you work for. There will always be those narcissistic, egotistical sycophants that boss everyone around without due regard for what is best for the worker or the company. But, just as there is dark, there is light, and it's the ones that do care, that do want what's best for the employees, the company and the customers that are the lights by which you should be guided. 

That's when things started to change for me and for the guys and gals that I interacted with. It was in that epiphany, where I was able to start making positive changes in the company, and in my career, which also led to my personal happiness and job satisfaction. Now, I don't want you to think I did all this myself. I had a LOT of help from some really great supervisors and friends. Great leadership promotes great leaders and, while I've had some real shit-bomb supervisors, I've had some really exceptional leaders who helped me, guided me and led me by their examples. 

My why

My why became clear. I wanted to make my "company" great. I wanted to do it, not for the big bosses (even though they would benefit from it), I wanted to do it for the men and women who are out there, everyday, doing the hard job. I wanted to do it for our "customers", who pay for our services and keep us employed. I wanted to do it, because my "company" has been in business for over 120 years and I don't want to see it fail under my watch because I didn't do my part. When you work somewhere for over 20 years, you naturally get complacent in your job, your attitude and sometimes, your work product. I didn't want to be that guy. 

I can only guess, that by me finding my "why" again, showing it in my daily work product and my overall attitude, got noticed by the big bosses, because I finally got the promotion that I had been after for over a decade. With that promotion, I was able to get back to being a square peg in a square hole. I moved out of that big comfy office and got back to the men and women that I had been working for all those years. It was amazing. Was. 

Enter, the lifesuckers

Oh yes. The lifesuckers. You know them, they are the ones that see happiness, joy and positivity and they are drawn to it- not to bathe in the warmth of it, not to embrace the light of it, no, no... they are drawn to it to quash it. They want to destroy it. They fear it and therefore, they must kill it. They can't help it, it's in their nature to do so, because they know they are inferior. They know they are hiding their insecurities in their darkness. They know they aren't fit to lead and that, in the presence of happiness, their shortcomings could be revealed. So they do what they do- they suck the life out of every  smile, every laugh, every good day. They use (and abuse) their authority and their positions in the company to cause discontent among the workers. You know the ones... the people that believe in the mantra of "the beatings will continue until morale improves." 

The lifesuckers started getting to me. They have come at me with their constant barrage of attacks. They have shortchanged me, cut my legs out from under me and have burdened me with more and more, trying to break me. And they almost did.

My "why" reminder

Yesterday though... after a solid week of contemplating what in the actual hell I was putting up with all these attacks for, I was reminded of my "why", once again. I saw a group of new employees. Their smiling faces, celebrating their accomplishments with joy in their hearts and excitement and anticipation on their minds, reminded me of my "why" once again. I was reminded that they are a big part of the reason that I'm back where I am. I was reminded of my employees that look to me for guidance, leadership, positivity and strength. I was reminded that I am the one that is there to protect them from the lifesuckers, the joy stealers and the shitty leaders that seek to keep them down, instead of building them up. I was reminded of the friends and confidants that have helped me, and that continue to help me on a daily basis. 

Remember your why

I'll wrap up with this- remember your why and don't let those lifesuckers tear your down. Remember why you are doing what your doing and who you are doing it for. Remember that, no matter how high up the "ladder" you get, you got there with the help and dedication of those under you. Remember that there are three types of people above you- those few that are trying to pull you up, those that don't really care if you stay where you are and those other, nefarious bastards, that want to hold you down and keep you where you are because they are afraid that you'll expose their shortcomings and possibly take their jobs. Be positive. Be the light that guides others who might be stuck in the dark. Lead them out of the dark and push them forward into the light. Teach them how to do your job and encourage them to advance. Most of all- let them be happy and let yourself be happy. 

Stay positive and ride safe, MotoReaders.

Hyenas need love too

A while back, I made a comment at work that garnered quite the response. In a, perhaps not so common, conversation about people and their importance in this world, I made the observation that everyone is special, to someone. While that may not have been an interesting enough comment to be the basis for a blog post, what followed next, certainly was. One of my sharp witted and borderline cynical co-workers challenged my, very generic and ubiquitously bland, comment so I simply replied with the observation that, "even a little orphaned kid in Kenya is important to the hyenas."

Yep. I said that. 

Now, before you allow complete and utter repulsion to set in, allow me to elabortate...

You see, despite what we tell ourselves about how advanced of a species we are and regardless of how we groom, dress, live and even die, we are all still just creatures in nature. We are all still links in the natural food chain of the world. We are simply meat, blood and bones and if you don't believe that, then I'm sorry to be the one to inform you that grizzly bears, great white sharks, tigers and Jeffrey Dahmer would strongly disagree. You don't have to like it, but truth and reality do not require our permission.

So yeah, everybody is special...to somebody... even if that "somebody" happens to be a hungry animal trying to survive another day in the wild. 

With that observation made... and for anyone still reading... I offer this- what makes us think that we are better than the ferocious carnivores that we share this earth with? Is it because we are super smart and we build things? Maybe it's because we live in houses or drive cars? Perhaps it's because we groom ourselves, shave our body hair or buy our food from a store? But, not all those things apply to every human, do they? Is it because we are sentient creatures? Creatures of thought, memory, emotion and intellect? There are a lot of creatures in God's world that are capable of, and possess, those same traits. 

It's all about perception and perspective. Hyenas hunt and kill the weakest prey they can find... be it a slow running wildabeast, or an orphan kid from a local village. They don't distinguish one from the other. They aren't psychopathic monsters.  They are just ornery dogs with really bad posture that are hungry and trying to survive. What they kill and eat is not relevant to them... it's just meat, blood and bones that contain life sustaining nutrients. Our perception is what is different. A fellow human that is killed and eaten by wild animals is more offensive to us than an animal being killed and eaten. Hell, we even have weird perceptions about what we kill and eat. Think about it- some people are offended about other people eating cows and pigs. 

Like I said- perception and perspective. Animals don't know the differences because they don't have any pre-conceived, or self-taught perceptions on what is, and what is not, okay to have for dinner. We do. For example- Dahmer knew better. He knew he wasn't supposed to kill and eat people... civilized society told him not to, but he did it anyway because he was crazy. But the hyenas and other wild animals don't live in a civilized society and they aren't taught which animals to kill and eat, and which ones not to.

Civilized society is what makes us special- not our cars, houses, clothes, grooming habits, jobs, tech or anything else. Civilization is the key. What makes us civilized is how we treat each other. Treating other people with respect, compassion, empathy and kindness is what makes us civilized. Turn on the local news for ten minutes and you can quickly see that our society is on the verge of losing it's cvilization. People are victimizing each other over some of the dumbest shit. We kill each other over nothing... and we act as if we are better than the wild animals. I don't know about you, but I never heard of a great white shark attacking and killing another shark over "territory" and I've never heard of a mama grizzly bear attacking or killing her own cubs, but I've seen that kind of stuff more than I care to admit within our so-called civilized society. With that said, though... it's not all grim. Bears, sharks, tigers and hyena's don't give their own blood to help others; they don't gather and share food for those among them that can't; they don't have creatures among them whose sole purpose it to protect the weakest among them, or die trying, from those that wish to do them harm. So in that sense, we as a society, are special.

When you look out at your neighbors, friends, co-workers and even the strangers walking along the street- be civilized. Treat each other well. Stand up for those who can't stand up for themselves and remember that everyone is dealing with their own struggles. You might be the person who changes someone else's attitude. I know it sounds cliche, but how hard is it to practice a little kindness? It doesn't cost you anything to tell someone to have a good day, or to wish them safe travels. It doesn't even take that much time out of your life. When you're in the checkout line at the grocery store, what's the harm in telling the cashier thanks for what they do? Maybe tell the kid sweeping the floor or cleaning up a mess that you appreciate what he's doing... does it hurt, or does it make him feel appreciated for an otherwise thankless job? 

Simple kindness is all that I'm talking about. Small, effortless acts that cost you nothing but pay you back in dividends. What makes you special is how you treat people. If you're known for being a selfish jerk, then you might just be left all alone when you're at your weakest, left to defend yourself against the hyenas of the world that are only looking at you for the sustainance that they can get from you, before they leave you for dead... figuratively or literally.

Be kind. Be good. Be civilized.

Ride safe, make good choices and most of all... be a good person.

Weight Loss

Are you overweight?

As a society, we’re fixated on our physical appearance. We spend millions of dollars each year on gym memberships, special diets, supplements and even prescription medications just to shed a few pounds. We eat crap that we don’t really enjoy, drink junk that our 8 year old selves would have gagged at the very sight of, and we spend hours of our weeks in the gym, running to nowhere and lifting things up, all while listening to other people grunt and groan as they do the same thing. We stand in front of mirrors and criticize every curve and angle that we see. Then we take pictures of ourselves, all sweaty and red in the face, and post them to social media as if we’re hoping to get some kind of approval or validation from the world.

We’re so concerned about being overweight, that we put ourselves through this daily regimen, but does it actually make us happy? Are we truly happy and satisfied? Sure, don’t get me wrong, if you’re in your late 30’s or 40’s and you get mistaken for someone half your age, I have no doubt that’s an ego booster for you, but that’s not happiness- that’s just a temporary boost to your self-esteem that is completely contingent on your level of suffering. Sort of like, if I work a bunch of overtime, I’ll get a nice paycheck… but that extra cash only lasts, respectively, for about as long as I worked over my regular hours. Let me explain, if I suffered through an additional 20 hours of work, then I will get enough extra dough on my paycheck to pay extra on a bill or maybe take a weekend trip… but I’m not gonna be able to retire early on it. It’s all relative. You can find short-term happiness every single day, regardless of what you do. You might be happy because you hit your goal at the gym. You might be happy that you got a promotion at work. You might be happy because the waitress got your order right… but it’s all relative and it’s all just short term, superficial happiness. 

Weight loss is the key to true, life changing, happiness

I know what you’re thinking- this guy, who hasn't seen the inside of a gym in years, is about to preach to me about losing weight… well, yes… but not in the way that your probably thinking. You see, the weight I’m talking about isn’t the weight that you are bombarded with every time you turn on the TV or open a magazine (do people still read those?). I’m talking about the other weight, the obesity that no one wants to talk about. The weight that you can’t get rid of by simply drinking protein shakes or running on a treadmill. I’m talking about the truly ugly weight- the stuff that causes heart attacks and high blood pressure. I’m talking about the stuff that steals your energy, zaps your libido and strips you of your core happiness. I’m talking about the weight of your burdens. The things that cause you the most stress, anxiety, fear and sadness. The weight of these things are significantly more dangerous to your health than those few extra pounds you picked up from Thanksgiving last year. 

Now, I know that some of my friends who are really into the aforementioned workout routines are probably rolling their eyes and saying something like “being unhealthy and fat is way worse.” Okay… but… let me pose a couple of questions to you- what’s more dangerous to your health, what is actually worse for your heart? Eating an extra cookie, or being so stressed that your blood pressure is so high that you need medicine to bring it back down? What brings you the most anxiety? Having a bowl of pasta, or working late and missing out on important life events like your anniversary or your kid’s birthday? Look, I’m not telling you to not get (or stay) physically healthy, after all, while I may be carrying a few extra pounds of cookie weight myself- I’m not obese. I don’t have limited mobility or any serious medical problems, because I control my diet and I do get physical exercise. Sure, I enjoy a good cheeseburger from time to time, but I don’t eat like crap at every meal and I make sure that I stay physically active on a daily basis. For the most part, my cholesterol and blood pressure are in pretty good shape and I still wear the same size jeans and t-shirts that I wore when I was in my twenties (they just looked a little better on me back then). Physical health is important, but I’d argue that mental and emotional health is just as, or possibly even more, important. 

What’s our emotional weight?

If we go to the doctor, he can tell us with a quick reference of our height and weight if we are, or are not, overweight. But the ole sawbones can’t use the same technique to tell us that we are overweight emotionally. Let’s face it, as adults, we suppress a lot of our stress, emotions and psychological burdens, primarily because we don’t want to be a burden ourselves. We don’t want our family or friends to see that we are stressed out over our bills, a project at work or our health. We don’t want them to worry, or we maybe we just don’t want them to think that we can’t handle our own shit. Either way, we bury it down deep, put a smile on our faces and we trudge along, acquiring a little more psychological weight each day.

We can monitor our physical weight pretty easily. We can simply get on the bathroom scale, and it will promptly cite our exact weight within a few seconds of stepping on that abominable thing. It can clearly show us that eating a whole half gallon of ice cream last week has put a few extra pounds on us, but it can’t tell us why we stress-ate the whole damn container of frozen goodness in just four days in the first place. The bathroom scale can’t tell us that our stress level is redlining and that we are, or are becoming, mentally obese. So how do we know when our stress or burden is too much to carry? How do we know when we’re emotionally or mentally overweight? And more importantly, how do we shed those pounds?

I’m not that guy

I’ll admit that I’m not that guy in the gym every week. I don’t do the fad diets, run for no good reason, pick things up that don’t need to be picked up or do any of that other stuff. I’m not criticizing anyone that does, mind you. I just don’t have the time in my life to do it. I know that’s an excuse that a lot of people give, but I’ll actually elaborate on it. I don’t get enjoyment from doing it, so I’m not going to carve special time out of my life to do it. I’m simply not going to dedicate a special part of my day, so that I can do something that I don’t enjoy doing. And before you fitness folks judge me for it, let me ask you, would you do it? Would you make a point to watch an hour long PowerPoint presentation on the economic strategies of a paper mill (no offense to the paper mill accountants that are probably not reading this)? If you say you would, you’re full of crap. Even if you are an accountant for a paper mill, you’re not gonna dedicate an hour of your life that you’re never gonna get back to voluntarily do something that you don’t enjoy. I like to ride motorcycles. I can spend a full day in the saddle. I’ll make the time to ride, because it’s something that I enjoy doing. I get plenty of physical exercise without going to the gym. I’m not saying that I can dead lift 250 pounds, but in my life… I don’t need to. If you enjoy spending hours in the gym perfecting your physical being, then go for it. Do what you enjoy doing, whatever that might be. Just don’t judge other people for doing what they enjoy, because you never know what else they are dealing with in their lives.

I ride

For me, as I’ve said many times before, riding motorcycles is more than just “fun.” Riding is my stress relief. It’s church. It’s therapy. It’s my emotional workout program that helps me to be a better, more healthy person. Riding motorcycles has helped me to deal with the loss of loved ones, accept personal failures and get rid of emotional baggage that I no longer needed to carry. Riding has also brought me closer to God. I have seen proof of His existence and I’ve felt His presence with me, telling me that things are going to be okay. From the seat of my motorcycle, at 60 miles per hour on some lonely, two-lane highway that cuts through the middle of nowhere, I’ve prayed. I’ve listened to the sermon that is sung by the birds and buzzed by the cicadas. I’ve seen the majesty of His creation, shimmering through the leaves of an autumn mountain forest and witnessed the power of His might, lighting up the sky in blinding bolts of electricity on a humid summer night.

Riding is my primary weight loss program, but what is yours? How do you de-bug? What do you do to isolate those necessary stresses and justified fears, from those that you should dismiss because they are doing nothing more than weighing down your soul? 

Writing this blog is another weight loss program for me. It gives me an outlet to express my feelings and share my thoughts with the world, absent of the pressure of making a paycheck or following some irrelevant rules that were arbitrarily conceived by someone else. Now, don’t get me wrong, if you click on one of the ads on my site every now and again, I’ll earn a couple of cents and by the end of a year, I might be able to earn enough to pay for one of those cheeseburgers I like so much. But the point is, I’m not trying to pay my bills with this blog, so there’s no pressure there. 

Working for a… living?

If you take nothing else away from this post today, at least try to remember this-  at work, you’re completely replaceable and the company machine won’t stop running once you’re gone. At home, however, with your family…everything gets thrown off when you’re not there and if it doesn’t, then that’s a problem that you need to fix right now. Take your family on a relaxing vacation- a simple retreat of face to face interaction with no distractions. Take time off from work now, while it matters. You’re not promised tomorrow. Your health is not guaranteed, no matter how much kale you force yourself to eat or how many times you lift a barbell. Don't believe me? Take a walk through a graveyard and look at the headstones. Those hallowed grounds are filled with people of all ages, races and economic backgrounds and no matter how many times they hit the gym, no matter how much money they made or how many vacations they took (or didn’t take), they all have the same thing in common. We say that we “work for a living” but somewhere along the way, we often forget to actually do some living. 

Go to work. Earn a paycheck. Pay your bills and feed your family. Just don’t forget to live. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, we only have around 75 good years to make, not just a life but, a good life for ourselves. Sometimes you have to work overtime, and that's okay, just don't overdo it.

Deal with it

Take proactive steps to deal with the stress in your life. Talk to a friend, go to church or have a family gathering and for pity’s sake, let yourself eat a damn cookie every now and again. Take a road trip, go hiking, boating, fishing or, better yet, spend time with your favorite people. Just don't ignore your stress or your emotional burdens. Don’t starve yourself of the things that bring you joy, for the sake of dropping a few pounds- doing that will do more harm to you than eating a cookie, a doughnut, a cheeseburger or a bowl of ice cream, ever will.  

When you shed pounds, your body may feel lighter… but when you shed burdens, your SPIRIT will feel lighter. 

Ride safe and make good... healthy... choices, y'all. 

Do you want to see your bike featured as the MotoWriter's Bike of the Month? Email me in your high-res photos and your personal motorcycle story to me and, if I pick your bike, not only will you get some pretty rad bragging rights, but you'll also receive a small bit of swag to show off your support of the MotoWriter! Thanks for all your support!

April Bike of the Month....

Whose bike will be featured? Send your submissions and it might be YOURS!

motowriter74@gmail.com

Spring is here and the weather is perfect for riding! 

Ride safe and make good choices, everybody!

www.TheMotoWriter.com

BIKE OF THE MONTH!

January 2021

For the very first (and hopefully not last) Bike of the Month feature here on The MotoWriter.com, I present to you, the MotoWriter's January 2021, Bike of the Month... 

Lee's 2014 Indian Chief Vintage!

My good friend, Lee picked up his beautiful, Springfield Blue Indian Chief Vintage as soon as Polaris released the revived brand into dealerships in 2014, which just happened to be the same year that Lee retired from the United Stated Navy with over 20 years of service to our country. Lee and his family moved back to Mainland, USA from his last duty station in Rota, Spain in 2014 and dropped their gear in the great state of Texas. When Lee got back to the Lone Star State, he was bike-less, because he had to leave his beloved 2006 Harley-Davidson Dyna Street Bob, aptly nicknamed "El Fuego", behind in Spain when the Navy shipped him back home. While Lee loved his Dyna, he had been anticipating the release of the new Indians since he first heard that Polaris had bought the rights to the Indian name and was planning on resurrecting America's First Motorcycle Company. It's only fitting that Lee would buy an Indian Chief Vintage, after all, the name "Chief" was very special to him, you see- Lee honorably retired from the U.S. Navy, at the rank of Chief. 

When Lee picked up his new Indian, he immediately started racking up the miles. He was riding his Chief Vintage all over Texas and even made a trip to South Mississippi to visit his ole buddy- yours truly. As a matter of fact, the day that he rode over, we took our bikes up the highway to Hattiesburg, so that he could get his first service done. As it turned out, we would only ride together one more time before he got offered a job back in Spain. Shortly after getting back to Rota, Lee quickly unpacked the Chief and set out to racking up the miles, or rather- the kilometers. In the past 6 years, Lee's Indian Chief Vintage has taken him through 11 countries, 5 of which he knocked out in a single trip, earning him the Iron Butt Association's "Saddlesore 1000" certificate, for riding at least 1,000 miles in 24 hours.

During another summer abroad, Lee took advantage of his ability to ride through multiple countries, by riding into France, then taking the Chunnel into the United Kingdom, riding through England, Wales, Scotland, Northern Ireland and Ireland. Most recently, before the country locked down again due to the resurgence of COVID-19, Lee was able to take his Chief on an 8 day trip, circumnavigating Spain. In all, Lee has racked up a whopping 100,000 kilometers (that's a little over 62k miles for the rest of us). That's an awful lot of riding, considering the fact that he works a full time job and lives in a country that is smaller than the state of Texas. 

Upgrades and Goodies

Lee's Chief Vintage remains mostly stock, with the most significant upgrades being a set of 16" ape hangers, a Stage 1 kit complete with hi-flow intake, those classic fishtail pipes and a Dynojet fuel controller, rear air shock, color-matched tank console, aftermarket windshield, a heated seat to keep him toasty on those cool Spanish nights, and a Kuryakyn Road Thunder soundbar to provide some toe-tapping tunes to help the miles pass by a little easier. Up next on Lee's list of upgrades is going to be a set of Cuztomkraft amber afterburner tail light lenses. Being in Spain, the availability and accessibility of aftermarket parts can be a little tricky as compared to living in the States, so a lot of the goodies he's added to the Chief have been ordered from all over the world, with the latest order coming in from Australia.

It's not what you ride

Lee and I share the common belief that, it's not what you ride, but rather, that you ride. You see, Lee and I both grew up in working class homes and we learned at a very young age that it doesn't matter what you have- as long as you're happy. Lee and I both started out riding old, ratty street bikes- I had an old Kawasaki EX500 and he had an old Honda Interceptor 500 and, at the time, we felt like the coolest kids on our respective blocks. Of course, as the years went by and we started enjoying some success in our individual careers, our bikes got much better. Lee has owned a variety of bikes to include a Suzuki, an Aprilia, a Harley-Davidson and now an Indian. He routinely organizes and leads group rides around the Navy base in Rota which often consist of every make and model of motorcycle available in the area. Following one of the most basic rules of motorcycle group riding, he and the rest of the group simply ride to the skill level and ability of the weakest rider on the smallest bike. Being an MSF instructor for the base in Rota, Lee understands the importance of teaching new riders the skills they need, so that one day they will be able to carve the corners of some random, mountain road and stay safe when doing it, just like Lee does, on his 2014 Indian Chief Vintage. 

Check out more pics of Lee's 2014 Indian Chief Vintage, here:

Be a good person

Toxic people

We all have toxic people in our lives, but we don't always recognize who they are until after they've poisoned us. If you are reading this and you think it's written about you, then you may very well be the toxic person in someone else's life. Don't worry, if it is you, then keep reading and I'll try to give you some tips on how to change and be a better person.

Recognizing the toxicity

This seems like it would be fairly easy to do, but unfortunately, people aren't always toxic from the start, some become that way over time. What causes someone to become a poisonous influence? It could be any number of things- a shitty home life, a bad marriage, being unhappy at work, being unhappy about how they look or how their own level of success compares to others or maybe even just a lack of healthy hobbies. Regardless of what made, or makes, them this way- what matters most is that you recognize what they are, instead of why they are that way. You can't fix a miserable person that doesn't want to be fixed, you'll just get poisoned by their negativity.

If you're the person who has become envenomed, then it's your job to figure out why you are this way and to fix it. You need to fix your own problems and stop spreading your necrosis to others.

The easiest way to recognize a toxic person is to just listen to them for a few minutes. Are they always bitching? Are they the person that gets everything they want, but complain that it's not enough? Do they hurl insults at you when you are happy or if something positive happens to you? They are typically the person that, when you get a new motorcycle, they say something like "it must be nice to be able to afford that" or if you get a promotion at work they say "how much ass did you have to kiss for that?" Sound familiar? 

You can also recognize these venomous malefactors by the way that they interact with you and when. For example- when you don't hear from someone for months or longer and they send you a text or call you and ask you to help them do something. You, being the good person you are, agree to help them and once the task is complete, they disappear from your life once again. Those should be easy enough to recognize, but we often fail to see them as toxic, because they are so nice and appreciative when you're helping them, that you actually believe that you are friends. 

Toxic people also love to insult you behind your back- some even do it right to your face, but because you have mistaken them for friends, you just figure it's friendly banter. They will take your words, twist them to fit their vindictive narrative, then play the victim when they get caught up in their own web of drama. They live in drama and thrive in their own self absorption. 

Still not sure how to recognize them? Look for the perpetual victims in your life. Whatever misfortune may befall them, it is never their fault. Toxic people never take responsibility for their own mistakes or failures. They also never thank the ones that help them succeed at something.

Misery loves company

Toxic people thrive in animosity, doubt, loathing, anger and jealousy. They are bitter and angry and their bitterness can only be quelled by bringing other people down and making them miserable with them. They can't be satisfied until everyone around them is swimming in their pit of despair. They love to bring others down. Do you remember the character from the early 2000's Saturday Night Live skits, Debbie Downer? Yeah... that character, while she may have been played on TV by the comedic actress, Rachel Dratch, is actually a real live person that you know and is in your life, right now. Are you having a great day at the park? Don't worry, Debbie Downer will come in and tell you all about how the park was built using money that was supposed to go to building a new children's hospital. Oh what's that, did you get a new car? Oh, here comes D.D. to tell you how her car broke down and she can't afford to repair it (even though she just spent that same amount of money on a new necklace for her dog). What's that, you say you are getting married? Well now, D.D. is on her way to tell you all about all of her failed relationships. 

Of course, the real life Debbie Downer isn't always a woman. No, no... sometimes Debbie Downer is actually Donald Downer. That's right, anyone can be a Downer for the low, low price of your happiness. And they will take your happiness. They will call you a "company man" if you get promoted, or say that you are "drinking the kool-aid" if you find any happiness at work. They will try to humiliate you if you are feeling good about yourself and will insult you and call it "teasing." They want what you have- your happiness, and they will stop at nothing to take it from you.

Be the antivenom

This is tricky, I won't lie. It's tricky because more than likely, you've read this post this far and said to yourself- "shit, that's me... I've done some of that stuff." If so, congratulations- you're well on your way to becoming the antivenom that you and others in your life need you to be.

Look, the bottom line is, we're all a little toxic. We have good days and we have shit days. Currently, as I write this, I'm going through one of the most difficult times of my life. I'm hurting and I don't like to hurt. But you know something? No matter how shitty I feel, I'm not going to do something or say something to bring someone else down or make them feel bad, not intentionally anyway.

So, what do you do if you are that toxic person in someone else's life? Here's some pro tips for you (don't worry, they are simple): 

• Don't be a dick.
• Think about other people and how they feel.
• Remember that the person you are being a shithead to, may be going through one of the worst times in their life, but you don't know about it because you have only been thinking about yourself.
• Stop thinking about yourself ALL OF THE TIME. 
• Be a better person.
• Do good things for other people without the expectation of getting something in return.
• Be a good person.
• Be honest.
• Be fair.
• Be selfless.
• Be helpful.
• Give truthful, genuine compliments.
• Be happy for other people when they have a good day.
• Be sympathetic.
• Be kind.
• Be supportive.
• Be nice.

It's okay to be upset if you don't win, get passed up for promotion, lose that sale or get overlooked for a job well done. It's okay to be annoyed that someone else got something that you wanted or you felt like you deserved. But, it's not okay to shit on their happiness. It's never okay to sabotage someone else's joy, peace or happiness, so don't do it. Ever. Be a better person, or be prepared to be a lonely, miserable person for a very long time.

Cut 'em loose

So what do you do if you have a toxic person in your life? Don't give them your time. As soon as you recognize it- call them out and remind them that they are being a dick. Tell them the truth and how they are making you feel. If they are truly your friend, they will understand and try to be better. If they don't- cut them loose and don't look back. There are good people out there that truly only want the best for you- those are your friends. You'll recognize them by the fact that you've been friends with them for years and they've never asked you for a single thing. They have asked you for nothing except your friendship. 

I would rather be alone than be with people that are constantly trying to bring me down or shit on my happiness. There have been times in my life that I have been able to count my friends on one hand and I'm okay with that. You should be too, because some of those people, who you consider to be your friends, are the same ones whose fingerprints are on the knife that's in your back. You don't need them in your life- so let them go be miserable in someone else's life.

Listen folks, being a good person isn't difficult. Too many people have forgotten how to live by the Golden Rule- "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." Maybe they got confused by the verbiage, so here it is, in plain terms: treat people like you want to be treated and don't be a dick.

Find joy and be happy

I'm not suggesting that we pretend our problems don't exist, far from it. I'm suggesting that we recognize our own deficiencies and we work on bettering ourselves and being better people to share the earth with. When you share in other people's happiness, you become happy; when you indulge someone in their misery, or worse- you spread your misery to someone else, everyone suffers. Do you want to be happy? Then be happy. Just don't shit on someone else's happiness, or one day, someone you think is your friend, might just shit on yours. 

As for me, I genuinely wish each of you happiness and joy, laughter and love, peace and comfort. May you all find true happiness that doesn't come at the cost of someone else's and of course... 

... ride safe and make good choices.

Written on 01/08/2021... before my world got a little darker.
Courage, Serenity & Wisdom forever. I love you dad.